| Foo |
[Sep. 20th, 2009|01:35 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | SNAFU | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | The hum of 6 fans | ] |
If only
Everything could be fine
I could be normal
I could stop being scared
I could stop breathing you in
Tasting you on the breeze
Subtle whispers that are gone before I can make out what they say
Faded memories reborn
Old wounds torn open
You infect me
Seeping black ooze
Your sickness brings winter into my soul
my last moments spent trying to murder what you left behind
The cold makes me weak and sleepy
The world becomes far away
The cold becomes peaceful
If only
I had realized sooner
All you left behind was me
If only |
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| Thing |
[Aug. 20th, 2009|07:09 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  depressed | ] |
He stares at the thing in front of him
Wishing it dead
It wont leave though
He turns his head away
To ashamed to look at it any longer
He hopes it dies when he's not looking
But he knows when he looks back it will still be there
It makes him sick
He hates what the thing is, what it looks like
He wants to kill it himself
A tear whispers it's way down his cheek
He feels like dieing
The thing looks at him
A tear just falling from its face
He hates what this ugly disgusting thing is in front of him
So he clencthes his hand into a fist
And punches the mirror... |
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| Stop the world I wanna get off |
[Aug. 8th, 2009|05:54 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | Tired of living and scared of dying | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Danzig - How The Gods Kill | ] |
Behind this innocent smile of mine, lay words left unsaid. Words of longing, love, anger, and hate, all repeated inside my head.
I don't necessarily want to be happy, I just want to stop feeling miserable.
Sometimes it hurts more to smile in front of everyone, then to cry all alone.
I don't know if I'm getting better or just used to the pain.
I love sleep.
My life has this tendency to fall apart when I'm awake.
I hate what I have become to escape what I hated being.
I don't want the world to see me, because I don't think that they'd understand.
I'm often silent when I am screaming inside.
I started to cut to prove to you that you are not the only one that can hurt me.
Who am I?
I am who I say I am and tomorrow someone else entirely.
I can't stop crying...
I don't understand, and it's not the loud, screaming crying...
it's just the tears continuously roll down my face, and I can't do anything to stop them.
It seems to me that the harder I try the harder I fall.
The only thing standing between me and total happiness is reality. |
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| everytime someone asks me if im ok, its just a reminder that im not. Im crying inside and no one kno |
[Aug. 8th, 2009|04:55 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | crappy | ] |
I've stopped taking the medication. My doctor doesn't know. The lack of a drug in my body makes me dizzy. It hurts, I guess. It feels rather as though I have no feeling. But how can that be? I feel sad now. But it feels like nothing.
It'll come back. The little bit of feeling, of life, the medication took away will come back. And I can feel again. Even if I won't like the emotion. |
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| Funny cause its true! |
[Apr. 14th, 2009|07:47 pm] |
QOTD "My moms good people, My dad however is a bit of a prick." |
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| Musing in the morning |
[Mar. 8th, 2009|08:00 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  mellow | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | The drone of exaust fans | ] |
Laying awake in bed unable to sleep
My mind awash with thought
I begin to ponder the loss of my innocence
When did I lose that small bit of freedom
When did time and nessecity murder that part of me
When did youthful hope get replaced by hoplesness
When did I become so angry and cynical
When did this weight upon my chest arrive
How did I let it happen
Could I have done anything to save myself
Why have the simple pleasures become so painful
When did everything become such a tradgedy
When did I become so terribly sad |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 14th, 2009|07:49 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  irritated | ] |
@%#$ this @&!%&#$ love day fake holiday sell your soul to the commercial gods crapola.
Sheep there all sheep mindless shambling sheep.
braying away in happy servitude. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 29th, 2009|07:10 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  tired | ] |
"Made Of Scars By Stone Sour"
This one came from looking
This one opened twice
These two seem as smooth as silk, flush against my eyes
This one needed stitches and
This one came from rings
This one isn't even there, but I feel it more because you don't care
Yeah, Cut right into me
Yeah, Cause I am Made Of Scars
Yes I am made of scars
This one had it coming
This one found a vein
This one was an accident, but never gave me pain
This one was my fathers and
This one you can't see
This one had me scared to death,
But I guess I should be glad I'm not dead!!
Yeah, Cut right into me
Yeah, I am made of scars
Yes, I am made of scars
God, Don't you believe the hype?
And I will find a way
Everything you are I will betray
Oh, I swear that I will find a way
Everything you are's inside me
This one was the first one
This one had a vice
This one here I like to rub on dark and stormy nights
This one was the last one,
I don't remember how
But I remember blood and rain
AND I NEVER SAW IT COMING AGAIN
Yeah, Cut right into me
Yeah, Cause I am made of scars
Yes, I am made of scars
That's what I'm made of!!! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 14th, 2009|12:38 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | grumpy | ] |
I hate that there are still things in the world that make me really want to do bodily harm to some people |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 9th, 2008|12:09 pm] |
| Which creature of the night are you? Your Result: Cthulu Spawn You are really an alien thing, aren't you? I can't describe you because you are beyond. We say "left field" and you say "Krn Grth Thchrang." You are the wild card of the bunch, the unknown quantity | | Werewolf | | | Sorceror | | | Demon | | | Vampire | | | Incubus/Succubus | | | Ghost | | Which creature of the night are you?
Quiz Created on GoToQuiz |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 16th, 2008|10:17 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | depressed | ] |
Holy Mood Swing Batman!!!!!! Going down anyone?? |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 5th, 2008|08:50 am] |
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Sometimes I wonder if it would be easier to just be crazy? |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 5th, 2008|08:48 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  blah | ] |
I am the despot ruler of an imaginary kingdom. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 5th, 2008|08:47 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | blah | ] |
I am hiding from myself |
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| quotes of the night, mk.i |
[Apr. 17th, 2008|10:59 pm] |
"..Nothing that ten dollars and a vulva coudn't fix."
"Auuugh, my kidneys are MAD at me." |
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| Foo |
[Apr. 4th, 2008|03:01 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | tired | ] |
Sometimes I wish all those pills had worked.
Sometimes I think they did.
Sometimes I think I did die that night.
Now I am stuck in limbo with everyone else. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 7th, 2008|04:44 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  exhausted | ] |
Your kisses are the stiches in my heart |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 15th, 2007|02:02 am] |
| Your Native American Name Is... | 
Nukpana Enyeto
Your name means: Evil One Who Walks as a Boar |
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| Bleagh |
[Oct. 30th, 2007|10:17 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | numb | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Alter Bridge - Buried Alive | ] |
Today like an icberg feel into the pool of my emotional wellbeing.
I almost lost myself in the mall today.
I could feel it begining to happen
Like my mind was backing away from reality
I almost ran in open fear for the nearest exit
Cold sweat shallow panting breaths
Blurred vision and racing heart
Dizziness and nausea
I thought I would colapse
I managed to remain in control long enough to find a bench
For a brief few moments maybe a full two miuntes at most
I became what I think is completly disasoiciative
I was blank in my mind like laying in bed that second before sleep hits
I reset in a moment roused by her hand
I shuffled behind her following the length of the mall only partialy aware
It was like waking from a bad dream disoriented and not fully aware yet
I was at one end of the mall then suddenly I was leaning against the van
winter closes in and everything around me heavy with the stench of the season
Breathing deeply Gulping in cold air permiated with the stink of death and concrete
Finnaly I began to calm slowly my heartbeat began to slow
no longer feeling the blood pumping in my head
I returned to normal while we were exiting the mall
The starting and stoping motion of the ride helping me to ground myself
I was left feeling slightly abused
Very disoriented
Exausted and unsettled
Most odd though is that I feel dreadfuly cold
As thought I took in to much of winters impending heaviness
I could attribute the cold to having been sick recently
also thew fact that it is getting colder outside almost daily
But somehow this chill feel different
More like my soul is shivering |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 20th, 2007|04:11 am] |
Can you tell me will it stop?
Will the tears stop if i set them free?
Will they drown me? |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 20th, 2007|04:09 am] |
I am afraid of what is inside me
When I write it feels like im healing
Then like everything in my life I become consumed
Losing myself in the uncontrolable desire to not hurt
I fear what is inside
Any theatre ive found to express what is in here with
I Despise how quickly I can corrupt something beatiful |
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| Poof |
[Oct. 20th, 2007|04:06 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | sore | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Alter Bridge - Open Your Eyes | ] |
In that short moment I was not the mosnter
In that fleeting second I was not a failure
In a blinding explosion of light and warth I was
My manhood restored
humanity found
In that drop falling into the sea of time I was evolved
In that shimmering moment I was not lying to myself
Poof that moment is gone... |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 20th, 2007|03:55 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | moody | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Alter Bridge - Buried Alive | ] |
Alter Bridge - Buried Alive
I twist and turn
In the darkest space
Can't find my worth
As I numb the pain
Glass to the sky
With a blacktooth grin
This whiskey smile
Takes me down again
I'm cold and I'm so afraid
That I'm too weak and I can't change
[Chorus:]
I've been buried alive and
I don't want to be here anymore
Reached out a thousand times for
A hand to pull me from below
I've been buried alive in a world
Of constant sorrow
Reach down tonight and set me free...
Save tomorrow
Another shot
Slip into the haze
Another night
Soaked in my disgrace
Toast to the lie
I'll raise my glass and run
A wasted life
What have I become?
[Chorus]
Save tomorrow
Save tomorrow
Let me breathe again
Show me where I begin
To find the will to change
Before I lose everything
[Chorus]
Reach down tonight and set me free
And I will follow |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 6th, 2007|04:02 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | The Cave | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | lonely | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Squeaking Fan | ] |
| You Are Sunrise | 
You enjoy living a slow, fulfilling life. You enjoy living every moment, no matter how ordinary.
You are a person of reflection and meditation. You start and end every day by looking inward.
Caring and giving, you enjoy making people happy. You're often cooking for friends or buying them gifts.
All in all, you know how to love life for what it is - not for how it should be. |
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| in a moment I understood but then it was gone |
[Sep. 20th, 2007|10:37 pm] |
Sometime's I feel like I am being taken over by someone else spirit
Like im suddenly a passanger watching this person be me.
Sometimes I begin to think that maybe it is me and im not me
my personality changes I feel more observer than partisipant
Listening to myself say things I normally would never say
My brain spouting drivel my soul free to be
Coherent and conversive but not really me
suddenly in that breif moment the world is clear
I am myself and my spirit is free of chains
In that that moment I can give what is witheld
But the it has passed and I am me again frightened and deprerssed
So much of my life is lived here being me that I sometimes wish to reamin the permanent observer
I hate living in my head with myself
I feel so completly fucking ashamed that I have not learned to maintain that wholeness of self
Those moments become so rare I fear I shall wither and starve
They become so painful to achieve
I begin to lose faith that they can carry me through the darkness
In a moment I understood but then it was gone |
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| It's 12:38pm do you know where your life is? |
[Sep. 2nd, 2007|12:38 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | uncomfortable | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Tool - Sober | ] |
Sober
Tool
There's a shadow just behind me. Shrouding every step I take.
Making every promise empty. Pointing every finger at me.
Waiting like a stalking butler, who upon the finger rests.
Murder now the path of 'must we', just because the son has come.
Jesus, won't you fucking whistle. Something but the past and done.
Why can't we not be sober? I just want to start this over.
Why can't we drink forever? I just want to start this over.
I am just a worthless liar. I am just an imbecile.
I will only complicate you. Trust in me and fall as well.
I will find a center in you. I will chew it up and leave.
I will work to elevate you, just enough to bring you down.
Mother Mary, won't you whisper. Something but the past is done.
Why can't we not be sober? I just want to start this over.
Why can't we sleep forever? I just want to start this over.
I am just a worthless liar. I am just an imbecile.
I will only complicate you. Trust in me and fall as well.
I will find a center in you. I will chew it up and leave.
Trust me. Trust me. Trust me. Trust me. Trust me.
Why can't we not be sober. I just want to start things over.
Why can't we sleep forever. I just want to start this over.
I want what I want...
I want what I want...
I want what I want...
I want what I want... |
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| Pretty |
[Aug. 27th, 2007|05:25 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  anxious | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Gary Jules - Mad World | ] |
Mad world
Gary jules
all around me are familar faces
worn out places
worn out faces
bright and early for the daily races
going nowhere
going nowhere
their tears are filling up their glasses
no expression no expression
hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow
no tomorrow
no tomorrow
and I find it kinda funny
I find kinda sad
the dreams in which I'm dying
are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
when people run in circles it's a very very
mad world
mad world
children waiting for the day they feel good
happy birhtday
happy birthday
and I feel the way that every child should
sit and listen
sit and listen
went to school and I was very nervose
no one knew me
no one knew me
hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
look right thourgh me
look right throuh me
and I find it kinda funny
I find kinda sad
the dreams in which I'm dying
are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
when people run in circles it's a very very
mad world
mad world
enlargen your world
mad world |
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| Insanity |
[Aug. 23rd, 2007|06:31 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | melancholy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Absent Sound - The Way the Land Lay | ] |
sometime i hate being stuck in my head with myself. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 12th, 2007|01:37 am] |
Madness Like fire
Consuming everything it touches
Burning me as i feel it travel my veins
Distorting the edges of my vision
Like an animal trashing against it's bonds
Tearing through flesh and bone
My blood boils with insanity
My pulse the consistent thrumming of war drums
Madness that threatens to consume
Madness that defines
Madness that control |
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